Oh dear. All is not well in the online Findom community. It seems like my Twitter timeline has been completely awash with three words lately;
With those on both sides calling each other out, screaming accusations and trying to start feuds. So what does this all mean for the future of the fetish online, and what the fuck is going on?
From my perspective, it’s a problem comprised of a number of factors:
1) An over saturated market. New ‘Findoms’ pop up every day, each with a new spin and a new spiel to lure in the boys, rinse them and make them cry. Drawn to the fetish by money (I mean, aren’t we all… really?) and with an amateur outlook. Findoms massively out number finsubs and the competition is fierce.
With this saturation comes back biting, bitching and fighting amongst the women. Hurling cheap insults at each other over Twitter and having their piglet minions do their bidding for them. Pause for a second and think.
In what kind of world is it ever acceptable for two superior women to shout petty abuse at each other over such trivial things as the quality of their manicures, and their physical attributes. The behaviour is disgusting ladies, we are goddesses. Save your abuse for the unworthy males that are there to serve you. Our support should be for each other.
This over saturation has lead to the phenomenon of ‘instadommes’. Women who hear about the fetish and want to give it a try. They pop up on Twitter, search out the competition, mimic the established dominants, seek out a few weak idiots who call themselves #paypig, post a few blurry pictures of their bodies, booties and pedicures then demand Amazon gift cards in return.
I’m personally conflicted about this kind of Domme. One one hand, one has to respect a woman who is getting exactly what society owes her. Taking money from losers online because… frankly it’s there for the taking. The men are willing, so what’s the problem?
On the other hand. It cheapens the experience. It waters down the fetish, and frankly it’s a little bit embarrassing to watch. Those men with a genuine blackmail and financial fetishes find it more difficult to find genuinely dominant women to serve and therefore as they search for someone to truly fulfil them, the word ‘fake’ gets bandied around more. Suddenly, Dommes are having to prove themselves through verification, or defend themselves against idiot ‘white knight’ type ‘subs’ who somehow take on the responsibility of exposing and insulting the ‘instadommes’. These ‘white knights’ tend to be men who like to call themselves submissive, but who thrive on drama and acceptance instead.
2) The timewasters.
I cannot stress this enough. Financial submission is NOT AN EXCHANGE OF GOODS AND SERVICES. It is an acknowledgement that the weak serves the strong in the only way they are useful.
Timewasters either engage with the dominant because it thrills them to indulge the fantasy but never plan to tribute (because they don’t value women enough to put their hand in their pocket) or they expect something in return for the exchange. They still don’t realise how unimportant their desires are. I’m not here to cater to you. You’re here to cater to me.
Sure, watching you performing for me like a monkey whilst I laugh and humiliate you is funny, but honey, all I really want is your money. Without paying me, you’re utterly fucking useless to me, and no thanks, I don’t want to see a picture of your dick right now. That thing, along with your amateurish tributes are nothing to be proud of. You live to serve me. What’s mine is yours. I want EVERYTHING. This isn’t a two way street, if it was… I’d be a whore.
What I’m trying to say, is that the community is filled with kinksters. People who want to be humiliated and / or serve the superior gender, but for whom money is often a secondary issue. This means that when a Mistress / Goddess / Domme has been burned by so many timewasters she begins to preserve herself and become hyper vigilant and defensive. Those that don’t step up and pay quickly are labeled ‘timewasters’, and unfortunately that means that sometimes genuine subs are branded with a label that is hard to shake.
The conclusion? Basically no one trusts anyone. The subs can’t tell which Dommes are real, and the Dommes have spent too long being fucked around by men not willing to pay that they’re asking for money up front to avoid getting burned and wasting their time. The clue is in the name. Submissive men are needy. Really needy. It’s exhausting. You need constant supervision and you really do waste our time.
The solution. Men. Pay up. Even if it’s a small tribute initially to introduce yourself and show your interest. That way you’re genuine.
Dommes? Verify yourselves. Stay strong. Don’t let idiots take advantage of you.